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| I remember the first time I met Rodney. I was an awkward and shy middle school girl and he was a fun-loving, down-to-earth, chill college student. He had a great sense of humor. I remember him often quoting the Simpsons (back when the show was still funny) and hanging out a lot with the young children at church. I also remember seeing him play the drums for the Worship Team. He was a very passionate worshiper. There was something about him that was so...interesting. I don't think I was ever formally introduced to him. He was always just kind of there. We've always acted like we've known each other for years. This was ten years ago, before the doctors told him he had a brain tumor.
Through the years, I've seen him change. I've seen the way that cancer has affected his life. He could no longer play the drums and he needed to walk with a cane to keep balance. Intellectually and emotionally he was different too. His regressive change was similar to that in Flowers for Algernon. Yet he was still a joy to have around. I remember that he absolutely loved my long hair. He would always play with it--even when I was talking to other people, or if I was just walking past him. It makes me laugh, thinking about how much he loved my hair. Then, one day I decided to cut it. He was so sad. Every time he saw me after that, he would tell me to grow it out again because he liked it so much. And each time I came back with a new haircut, he would say, "grow it out again! I liked the long hair! I miss the long hair!"
The last time I saw him, he told me how much he missed my hair and that I should stop cutting it.
As I entered the church for his funeral on Saturday, things were different. I guess it never really hit me until I entered that room. I couldn't bare looking at him in that casket. He didn't even look real. And that smell.... oh, that smell. It was the very same smell as those bullfrogs we were to dissect in Biology class. I say this not to completely desensitize his death, but because that was the reality of it all. His body wasn't much different from the frog at that point. He's gone. He's really gone.
His funeral was bittersweet. Bitter because all of us in that room had lost a brother that we deeply cared for. I don't think I've ever seen so many Asians so openly reveal their emotions with so many tears ever before. It was kind of touching in an odd kind of way. So many people were there to see him, and so many people shed tears for him. The funeral had its sweet moments because Rod was a devout Christian. He loved God and he knew that God loved him too. Even though he had passed on, there wasn't a doubt in any of our hearts that he had gone to a better place. Rod is with Jesus now.
But now....now, I still can't shake the thoughts of his loss from my mind. I find myself constantly thinking about him, wondering if he ever knew how much I cared. Wondering if he ever knew how much everybody at that service cared. So many people were there to see him for the last time. It only reminded me never to hold back with the people I care about. I hope he knew that I cared. I hope all of my friends and family now know that I care. Sometimes, a little love is enough to brighten our entire day.
I care.
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| I browsed through Xanga again for the first time in several months. I don't really remember why I stopped checking people's blogs. It probably had something to do with my overall busyness this year and my inability to put my thoughts into meaningful words. As I read others' entries, I found myself either well-informed, thoroughly entertained, or deeply moved by my friends' posts. Check your Xanga Trackers--your blog may have been one of the posts that moved me. So I just wanted to say, thank you for posting on your blogs. These past three hours of reading people's previous posts were worth the lost time, originally set aside for my school work. I hope you all continue to write about your convictions, memories, recent news, and journaling because people like me really appreciate reading what are on your hearts and minds.
As for me, I really am very busy, so I am unsure of how often I will post on my blog. I know, I take, take, take, and I rarely give back to the world of Xanga blogs. However, I will try to be a faithful audience to your posts. Right now, I've got three hours of work that I need to make up before today changes into Sunday and my weekend breaks loose from my grasp, leaving me behind in the confinement of a dark and bitter cold. Ok, so maybe that's not the best way to describe kindergarten, but I can assure you, I've got lots to do.
Thanks, again for sharing your thoughts! Keep posting!!
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| It’s a strikingly beautiful Saturday morning—possibly one of
the most beautiful days this year. The
sun, beaming down the clear, blue sky warms all surfaces it touches while the
cool, morning breeze keeps the air at a refreshing temperature. It doesn’t get any better than this, I think
to myself as I briskly walk down College
Ave. Today
is the day that State College Summer Project ’07 walks around the University Park campus in
prayer for those who have not received Christ in their lives. I found it interesting that I’ve walked this
route countless times yet none of those strolls were ever as convicting as
today’s.
Suddenly, we stop. We
face the front of the gates by Sackett
Building at the traffic
light of Allen Street
and College Ave. So many people utilize this space to get a
message across to the people in town.
I’ve seen the war in Iraq
protesters, Coldstone and Roly Poly flier blitzers, human rights activists,
preachers and other religious leaders, the Salvation Army, fundraisers, and
various other groups of people who want their message to be seen or heard. I unexpectedly recapture memories of the many
Penn State students who were turned off by
Christianity because some preacher screamed at them and told them they were
going to go to hell unless they repented.
I remember anger, frustration, annoyance, fear, sorrow, ignorance, and
even hate in the eyes of those passerbyers on days not much different from this
one. God, please move those who have
been hurt by people who call themselves Christians here, at this spot. Help us to show them that you are a loving
God through our own actions and words.
Please give us the compassion to love those around us so that your love
may be shown through us.
I decide to continue my walk in prayer as I cross the street
onto Allen Street. The first thing I see is an old woman sitting
by herself on black bench next to the Corner Room. She has a look of pain and sorrow on her face
that makes her look older than she probably is in reality. As a small attempt to brighten her day, I
offer her a cheerful smile. She barely
curls the corner of her lips to smile back at me dryly. What was she thinking about? Poor old woman. God, whatever this woman is suffering
through, whatever is burdening her, please calm her heart. Does she know you, God? Has she ever experienced Your love? She slowly walks away. Should I have said anything? What would You do, God?
The next thing I see is the green sign of the bar,
Pickles. How many times have I passed by
this bar and seen so many senseless drunks binging their nights away? How many of them know Jesus? I bet a lot of them don’t. Likewise, I bet a lot of them do at the same
time. God, please help these people to
realize that getting drunk every Thursday through Saturday night isn’t a
fulfilling life. Help me to find the
courage to reach out to them some day.
As I keep walking, I pass by McLanahan’s, a local
supermarket. I’ve shopped here dozens of
times without even thinking about the people I see each time I go in. Suddenly, I’m reminded of the parable of the
woman at the well. People go into
McLanhan’s all the time to buy things that will satisfy their daily needs, but
they always have to come back to get more once their supply runs out. Jesus offered the only way for eternal
fulfillment to the woman at the well. I
want to do likewise. I want be like
Jesus and show them that there’s more than just this life alone. God, please give me the boldness to speak of
your love to people in my everyday surroundings. Help me to be tender with my words and strong
with the Spirit. Help me to be more like
you.
The next few places I see are a series fashionable clothing
and jewelry stores. I remember walking
into these stores a few times, killing time on those boring days that seem to
last forever. I never buy anything, but
sometimes, it’s fun to look at the products and attempt to guess their store-marked
prices. I bet these things are only
worth a quarter of the price they’re actually marked. I look inside and see the intense look on a
young woman’s face as she searches for the stylish top of her liking. Her hair is blonde, but black at the roots;
her face, caked with make-up two shades darker than her actual skin tone; and
her clothes are trendy and expensive like the clothes hung up in the
store. A woman with a baby in stroller walks
by and struggles to open the door beside the intense shopper, but she’s too
focused on the clothing to notice the hassle happening beside her. I wonder, have I ever been so distracted by my
own personal wants that I fail to notice those in need of help? If I want to share the Word with the people
around me, I have to model my life like Christ.
God, help me to remain selfless in your plan for me. Thank you for teaching me true
significance. Please help me maintain a
godly lifestyle for You.
I look back at the traffic light of Allen Street and College Ave. and I realize that it’s time
to meet wit the rest of the Summer Project members. I quickly walk back, passing the red, green,
and white striped Chili’s tarp and another memory strikes me. A few months before, I had eaten dinner with
my cousin who happened to be in town.
She did not consider herself a Christian, but she knew that I was a
Christian and respected my faith. It
never really crossed my mind to share about my faith with her until now. She’s my cousin, how could I not think of
her? Then, I think all of my friends who
do not know Christ. Why haven’t I said
anything to them? God, give me the
wisdom to approach the people I care about carefully and respectfully. All I want is the best thing for them and the
best thing for them is a life with You.
Give me the heart to reach them, please.
By now, I see all of the other group members gathered in
front of the gate. I try to hurry over,
only now, I feel so small. I feel like a
miniscule worker ant with a load too heavy on its back. How can I change the world, God? This street alone is too much for me. What could I possibly do to change it for Your
glory? He tenderly wraps his arms around
me and tells me to trust in Him. He
tells me that He has a plan for everyone and that I fit into his big plan
too. As He cradles me, he gently repeats
in my ear, “I will guide you, one baby step at a time.” I realize that with Him, anything is
possible. I maybe small compared to the
rest of the world, but with one baby step at a time, I can transform Allen Street. I can make a difference in State
College through th Holy Spirit. I can change the
world. | | |
| Hey everybody. A personal entry as promised. Sorry, no pictures.
Daphne's Story
Taiwan Touched My Heart - 2006
Immediately after our departure from Taiwan,
my mind raced with countless memories and newfound values from my experience in
missions for those past three weeks.
Friends and family naturally asked my sister, Enid, and me about our
trip to Taiwan: the living conditions, the people, and the
overall joy of the trip. As anxious as I
was to share about all of the funny stories, cultural differences, and life’s
lessons I had learned in the villages, I managed only to muster out in response
a generic “the trip was good.” Rather
disappointed with my response (or lack thereof), I became determined to
conceive something much more personal that would allow others to see at least a
glimpse of God’s sovereignty and grace I had experienced during our short-term
missionary trip to Taiwan.
Where do I
begin? Why did I want to go on a mission
trip in the first place? How do I bring
all of my thoughts together? As I thought
about it, I instantly remembered God’s Great Commission. “Therefore, go and make disciples of all
nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the
Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end
of the age (Mathew 28:19-20).”
Initially, I wanted to go to on a mission to obey God’s command to “make
disciples of all nations.” Then, I
realized that for me, obedience had been the underlying theme of our teaching
material as well as my time spent at the camp.
In one of our main lessons, we taught the students “obedience is to do
what you are told to do.” We also taught
them three different phrases to respond in obedience to their parents. The students were taught to say, “I will do
it right away,” “I will do it with a smile,” and “I will do it all the way.” At first, these responses seemed silly to me
because during casual speech, people don’t actually respond using those phrases. I questioned the significance of the material
and even poked fun at the senselessness of each phrase. However, I later realized that these three
responses were actually very biblical and that this was God’s way of reminding
me my reason for going to Taiwan.
I will do it right
away.
In the
past, I have had many opportunities to go on overseas missions, but each time
an opportunity arose, something in my life would stand in the way, leaving me
unable to go. This summer, yet another
opportunity came up. I had originally
planned on going to East Asia with members of my
fellowship at Penn State. I had prayed about going on an over-seas
mission since last summer and hearing about this chance excited me. I really felt God calling me to go this
summer. To my dismay, my school advisor
told me that I needed to take classes this summer and get some kind of work experience
to extend my resume to graduate. The
trip to East Asia lasted for six weeks beginning
directly after school ended. I knew that
missions were important, but I also knew that my academics were vital to my
life as well. God saw that my heart was
ready to serve this year, so He provided an opportunity for me. He led me to Village Gospel Mission which
allowed me teach English to young children in the villages of Taiwan
while sharing the Gospel.
“I will do
it right away,” suggests that I will put God and others before myself instead
of dwelling on my own selfish desires. In
Roman 12:10 it says,” Be devoted to
one another in brotherly love. Honor one
another above yourself.” It wasn’t until
after I arrived in the first village, Wan Nei, when I realized how much Wan Nei
needed the Lord. The village was very
poor. Some families didn’t even have
telephones in their home yet they manage to build beautiful temples for their
idols on each block. God wanted me there
because the Taiwanese people needed God there.
I will do it with a
smile.
In Romans
12:11-13 it says, “Never be lacking in zeal, but keep
your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in
affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need.” God calls us to be joyful always, though it
is easy to lose sight of it. At times,
obeying God’s commands “with a smile” was very difficult. Communicating with a language barrier between
the Taiwanese people and me proved to be much more challenging than I had
originally anticipated. During the first
few days preparing with the Taiwanese team members, I questioned my
interpretation of God’s calling. “God,
did you really call me to go to Taiwan?”
I wondered. “Was I supposed to go
overseas? How can I do Your work when I
can’t even talk to the people?” All
kinds of insecure thoughts sped through my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about the Tower
Of Babel, and how God had
originally created language as a punishment.
I felt cursed.
Exhaustion
and feelings of worthlessness consumed me after the first day of camp with the
elementary students. Some of the
students would point and snicker at me because I couldn’t speak any Chinese. Once the first day of camp ended, my
co-counselors from the Taiwan
team asked me to go with them to visit some of the students at their homes. Although I was tired, I decided to go
anyway. Two of the boys, Cash and Sam,
from my class asked, “Why is she visiting our homes too? She can’t speak any Chinese and our parents
don’t understand English.” Emma, my
co-counselor responded, “She’s going to your house because she loves you.” The boys began to laugh and tease each other
about such a response. “Why would she
love us?” Sam asked. “She’s so much older and she can’t even talk
to us!” Emma replied, “She loves you
because Jesus loves you.” I didn’t know
if the boys understood the meaning of Jesus’ love at that point, but the next
day, they were so eager to talk to me.
We ended up communicating through exaggerated hand motions and vivid
facial expressions. God was good to me.
By the end
of the entire camp, I had grown a close to the children. Many of them wrote me notes about how much
fun they had in class and that they were going to miss me. One of my non-English speaking students,
Candy, even gave me a present on the last day to express her love. She also wrote about how she was glad that I
tried to talk to her even though we both knew that we couldn’t understand each
other and to come back and visit soon.
At the end of her letter, she wrote words that I will never forget. She wrote, “Remember, Jesus loves you!” Such a statement shocked me because none of
our students was Christian. Many of them
heard the Gospel for the first time at this camp. I could truly feel the Holy Spirit working
through our team.
I will do it all the
way.
Because I could feel the
presence of the Holy Spirit, obeying God with a smile was not difficult. Our typical day started with morning devotion
at 7:00 followed by a quick, usually
rushed, breakfast. After breakfast, we
left for the camp to set up for the day.
The camp lasted from 9:00 to 3:30.
Then, from 3:30 to 5:00, we either played with the students or
planned for the next day. Once we come
back to the church we stayed at, we ate dinner cooked by the pastor’s wife,
then, spent time in worship and prayer.
The rest of the night consisted of long meetings and planning for the
days ahead, that finished at around 11:00
to midnight each night. Despite our packed schedule, we enjoyed our
time because the Holy Spirit filled us.
Although
our schedule for the second week of camp in Tien Wei was virtually identical to
the week before, our team members had grown weary and exhausted. It was difficult to give our all when we no
longer had the same motivation. We tried
to keep our minds away from comparing the two different camps and focusing in
on doing God’s work, but it was not easy.
Then one day, I got sick. For
some reason, my stomach was not handling my food very well and I began to feel
very ill. Unfortunately, my physical
state affected me emotionally because I no longer felt like talking to
people. I just wanted to be alone. Then, my emotional state affected me
spiritually in a chain reaction. Since I
didn’t feel like talking to people, I didn’t feel like doing God’s work
either. After I realized this, I knew
that I needed to overcome this trial. In
1 Timothy 4:15-16 it says, “Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly
to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine
closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and
your hearers.” I needed to give my all
because it would save those around me.
After much
prayer, I gave myself fully to serving the Lord and even though I didn’t feel
well, God recognized my effort. The
middle school-age students genuinely cared for my well-being and made efforts
to talk to me even with their broken English.
On the last day, every single one of the girls in my class cried for us
because they didn’t want us to leave them.
The students loved spending time with us as we did with them. All
through the camp, we shared our Christian values and lifestyle with the
students. On the last day of camp, we shared with them the Gospel. A boy named Kelvin wrote notes to us in his
workbook everyday. He wrote on the
second day, “God has created us all to be precious. Even me.”
This was so powerful to me, but I was unsure of the validity of his
statement since many of the students often tried to impress their Christian
counselors. Then, on the third day he
wrote, “I need to obey my parents more.
I also need to obey God.” I prayed
for Kelvin because I felt he was very close to joining the Kingdom
of God with us. On the last day of the camp, he prayed to
Jesus and asked Christ to come into his heart.
I was so happy for him. This was
the reason I came to Tien Wei. Praise
God!
God used me
in Taiwan even
though I was weak. Because I did my best
to serve Him, He blessed me with so much love. He blessed me with bright students who loved
me even though they couldn’t talk to me, wonderful Taiwanese co-counselors who
happened to have the best English on their team, and He blessed me with awesome
U.S. team
members whom I shared my time with. I am
so thankful for all God has given to me.
I only hope
that all of you will listen to God’s calling.
God commands each off us to make disciples of all the nations. Prior to the trip, I felt insufficient with
my abilities, but God uses the young and the weak. God says, “Don't let anyone look down on you
because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life,
in love, in faith and in purity (1 Timothy 4:12).” I couldn’t speak any Chinese and He still
used me as His tool. I felt physical
weak and He comforted me. We need to be
obedient to God’s will right away, with a smile, all the way and He will bless
us for our efforts.
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| THIS GIRL *points thumbs inward*!!!!!!!!!!
See guys? I CAN drive a car!!! And I passed the test on a stick shift too! Piece of cake .
But this doesn't mean that I'll be on my own, cruising the roads any
time soon. In fact, this assures that I won't be allowed to drive
in any car at all--with an experienced driver or without. Not
having any car insurance will do that to ya... The rents still
don't want me to drive, but at least it get's the driver's test out of
the way (Clement and Enid have their liscence too!) so that it'll be
less of a hassle teaching us after we graduate. And it's not like
we're using our permits anyway. Those $50 permits are a bit of a
waste of money since we spend the majority of our time away from home
where we don't have the luxury to drive a car. But that's beside
the point. The point is, I PASSED THE TEST! I conquered yet
another battle in life's road to adulthood. Just thought I'd
share that with ya'll. Also cuz this whole week, I've been trying
to write something personal...from the heart about my life, but for
some reason, I can't write it out. I mean, don't get me wrong, I
think A LOT...but to write it on paper...I guess it just seems so
permanent...like an indelible engraving that reeks of regret.
Maybe it's time to allow myself to reveal my vulnerabilities to the
rest of the world. I owe it to myself to at least try. My
goal for my next post is to be personal. If I don't make it that
far, it was fun writing in here...and thanks for sharing your thoughts
with me . Welp, until then! LATER!!
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